What has my life become?

It has been awhile my "diary," and since I have been away, there has been too much drama for my body to comprehend.

First of all, I lost a friend due to the causes of psychotic bitchiness

Second, people are starting to take sides

Third, I STILL haven't seen the new Star Wars

Fourth, the earlier mentioned psychotic bitch has crossed the line of acceptable bitchiness.

***

 To start my story of how I named her the psychotic bitch, I will call her... Sarah.

You also need to know some background information to actually feel what I felt at the moment.

My best friend, lets call her Danielle, lost her mother about a year ago to pancreatic cancer. She was not only a mother to two biological daughters, I also thought of her as a mother to me, so her loss took a toll on a lot of people around her. Now, Danielle isn't too outspoken to people about this, but it has been hard on her for the past year, and she doesn't know what is happening to her mind and her body.

ONTO THE STORY!!!!!

So Danielle and I go to Starbucks all of the time, and we do invite people, but since we go all of the time we just allow people to ask if they can go with us. Literally, it is like we live there nowadays.

One day, we are at Starbucks with a study group when I decide to check my snapchat for a small break, and what I see on there enraged everyone at that table of 4 people.

Sarah posted three photos that she was done with "those hoes that never say hi anymore."

She has basically been dating everyman at our school, and when she does she doesn't talk to us. ALSO, when we do invite her she either makes it clear that she doesn't want to come or she is busy with a guy. We just stopped inviting her.

My friends, being the stupid ones, decide to post some vague f-you on their story also.

At the end of the night, we were basically not friends anymore.

***

In a couple of weeks, my BEST friend came back from Mississippi for a day, and she was able to see us. We were planning something with her, and decided to invite Sarah, but of course she couldn't make the time to get over her petty self and come say hi to her, to the girl we see at most twice a year. That day we learned that she called Danielle "the worst" and another friend that was at the study group "bitch," but we also learned that she doesn't mind me that much, and only feels awkward to talk to me because I am close friends with the other two girls.

*** WARNING (some soap opera shit is about to go down)***

Just the other day, she decides to rant on snapchat yet again. Because she has obviously learned that the answer to all of her problems is to rant about people who are not following her. As the only one currently following her, I was the person who saw this. Apparently Danielle smiled at her in the hallway because they made eye contact.

She was saying "why do you think that since you haven't talked to me in weeks you can just smile at me," and stuff like that.

THAT isn't even the end of it.

At the end of her last rant she had the f*cking guts to say "I hope your mom is proud of you."

We call her up, and it is confirmed that it is about Danielle. Danielle is on the verge of an anxiety attack, sobbing so much she can't even breathe anymore.

The next thing Sarah said to me personally, "oops. I said it, but I meant it"

"she wants to live a life people would be proud to look at.

My question for Sarah is, why do you think that people will look up to you for that? Do you honestly think that mentioning someone's passed mother is okay? Do you think your parents, future children, your friends, or your siblings would be proud of not only that but also losing your virginity in the back of a mini cooper, or even stealing one of your friend's crushes when they looked to you as a confidant. Does your best friend even know that you make fun of him for being your best friend when he isn't around.

What Danielle did wasn't being two-faced, what you are currently doing to yourself is two-faced.

You need to grow up, and look how people see you. You need to know that people have sensitive feelings, and it isn't bad to be "all up in your feelings."

***

Not only that, but apparently she is also going through a Britney  Spears phase, and shaved one tiny block of their hair, and wants to shave it completely off.

I also recently found out that she blocked me on all social media for pointing out what she is doing, and for trying to help her look better in the eyes of society.

So, whatever. I tried, and tried; I just can't do it anymore.

***

Rant. Over.

She was a really outgoing person.

In this class we have, that is really unnecessary, we had to make a telling statement into a paragraph that showed what exactly happened. So, I am here today, with nothing to post... WHAT A BETTER TIME!!!!!

Now it isn't the best thing in the entire world, but it is something that made my own mother gasp at my new 'abilities' at my writing... apparently she hasn't seen it in awhile. So... here it goes.

(the said telling statement is the title of this post FYI)

Standing across the room, I hear the sounds of Janell’s rambunctious laughter.  With her shining, crystal blue eyes, anyone can easily tell that she is in her element. Bouncing from person to person like a frog jumping on lily pads, Janell creates a wake of smiling people, people that were not smiling beforehand. With their faces instantly brighter, Janell accomplishes her number one mission, to make complete strangers more enthusiastic. When she shares her favorite story, her new companions instantly connect, feeling the same emotions as she at the time. Not even two minutes later, people begin to crowd around her; some eager friends even leave conversations unfinished just to be apart of the spectacle. Being extroverted becomes her superpower in social settings, and I can't help but envy that a little.

WE WHAT?

DUDES! OUR BAND GOT SECOND PLACE IN A HUGE COMPETITION!!!!!!!


BY LESS THAN TWO POINTS!!!!!! (which does piss me off a bit)

Our band director was finally proud of us, which she is sometimes, but she was beaming. And it wasn't the pregnancy hormones either.

The band hasn't ranked higher than third in her years of teaching, which isn't her fault, the shows have never been that good tbh.

AND I WAS A PART OF IT!!!!!!

Not only that, but the competition is the first one ever indoors... like, what?

We also were a part of Arkansas history!!!!

WHAT?!?!?!?!

To sum this post up, I am super proud of the band, the directors, and the grand champions of the competition! AHHHHHHHHHH! FEELS!!!!!!!!

The Fresh Australian

So if any of you guys have heard of Joshua Burgh, ISN'T HE AMAZING!?!?

And if you HAVEN'T heard of him, go look him up RIGHT NOW!!!!

This Australian singer will BLOW YOUR MIND!

His hair, hat, guitar, and voice are the freshest of the fresh, and I just want to see him live and tell him in person! 

But alas... I cannot. 

One of the main reason's why, is because I do not live in Australia. I actually live in the United States which is quite a bit away, if you didn't know. 

This absolutely sucks because I have the need to see him live and in person.. but I do not have money, or a plane ticket to Australia to fix this. 

Anyways! You need to watch him, fall in love with him, and support him just like I do!

HE NEEDS TO BE THE NEXT BIG THING!!!!!!

My one true imaginary love

Here is something everyone needs to know

I think I have a crush on this guy who works at Tropical Smoothie...

I don't get crushes... but guys... this boy is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooCUTE! Like, Oh my god. 

It wouldn't be weird if I wasn't so much younger than him.

Now, I don't know for sure how old he actually is, but he has already graduated high school while I have just entered my Sophomore year. So, if he was to ever actually ask me out, I would have to say no because it is really not acceptable.

I also would say no because I would probably use him for his ability to drive more than anything. Lets be honest. I don't have a car for me to even be able TO drive... I need someone to drive me places. 

But that's beside the point. 

He is cute, he is nicest person, and he gives me cookies. 

YEAH, you read me! HE GIVES ME A FREE COOKIE EVERY TIME I GO THERE!!

And it isn't even what he does to just any girl. He really isn't a manwhore from what I have observed. 

I was there for about an hour one summer day, and about three girls and guys came up, ordered their smoothie, and received their smoothie... he never gave, or even offered, anyone a cookie.

Who even knew that TSC sold cookies? What the heck?  

.......he also remembered that my favorite cookie to eat was a chunky chocolate chip from a past conversation.  

My first time seeing him, he held three conversations with me. And it was the best three conversations of my life tbh. 

Well the three I enjoyed the most. 

Anywho, I have come to the decision that he is my one and only imaginary special someone. And yes, I am sad that I know that I will never be with him, I am also in bliss with staying in my very unpopulated imaginary city/world. 

Any special stories of your own imaginary boyfriend. Or maybe an imaginary boyfriend turned real boyfriend???? Or vise versa

Tommy

In class a couple weeks ago, we had to make poetry based off of a certain sentence structure. If you need to know anything about me, you need to know that I LOVE poetry. Like, I can't get enough of it. 

It was Thursday, and that day for some reason, my PMS was out of control. My moods were swinging faster than a kid on a swing set. So, at this particular moment making poetry, I was super depressed for some reason...

WARNING... I almost starting crying when writing it. So please! No harsh comments... this is one of my favorite pieces of writing. 

Without further ado... my long awaited poem:

***

Since Timmy can't travel on his own,

I carried him across the old cobblestone street.

To bring him peace in spite of his inner battle

To make him feel alive with his body fighting against him

To force his mind to think about his happiness

To allow him to feel above the clouds

To grant him his last happy memory until the treatment 

Finally, Tommy closed his eyes and slept. 

***

So it wasn't really that sad, and probably didn't bring you any emotions. But, I like it. Whatever. 

Science Teachers

Background info: My science teacher is one of the weirdest people. He has the weirdest pets in his classroom, like he has some geckos, and even a gerbil! He also said that fruit are basically ovaries, and brought out a Simply Orange drink bottle, taped a piece of paper on the word orange, and wrote ovaries. So it read, "Simply Ovaries."

Anyways, to the story! I was sitting and taking notes, the four pages of notes that he will have a test on tomorrow, and all of the sudden I felt something crawl on my foot!

So I freak out and I raise my hand. He calls on me, not using my real name of course but I am too scared to correct him, and I casually tell him that "There's a turtle on my foot."

Being the jerk that he is, he jokingly freaks out and yells, "WHAT?! NOT AGAIN!!" He began to hobble, yes he hobbled, over to my desk, picked up the turtle, put it in a cardboard box, and then continued on with the lesson.

Why am I so Embarrassing?

So, here is another woe for you all... again with another football player.

Why do I have so much bad luck with them? Now that's a really good question... I'm not sure.

Sure the ones I have trouble with are actually very attractive, but I don't know why I keep humiliating myself around them. 

Like, what?

So anyway... Here's the story.

***

Every Friday is game day for our team, and this year is our away season. This is where we only have like 4 home games, and the rest are away. 

Anyways! 

Our band stands are located right by the 'audience' of sorts... like we are in the same stands. 

So being apart of the front ensemble, we don't really get a third quarter break because we have to load everything we took out for our halftime show. And yesterday, we were late to the fourth quarter. 

In our trip to the band stands, I look over to see a fellow classmate who (I think) plays as a lineman... and he is one of the people that annoys me the most, but is in all of my classes. I can't get away from him... unfortunately.

So if you haven't been able to tell, I am the most awkward person and not apart of the popular preps... so my reaction was to run away as quickly as I could so I wouldn't have to interact with him.

Two things are important in this situation:

The stands were crowded with fans... and I tend to forget very important things. 

For instance, how there was a line of people in front of me, and that I am the clumsiest person I have ever had the honor of knowing. 

Basically, I TACKLE the people in front of me, and I fall down right in front of him... 

I still am not sure if he saw it, due to the fact that he was on his phone and didn't look up. 

As for the other people, some were yelling profanities and some were laughing... others were giving me the death glare.

So yeah...if that isn't ALSO embarrassing, I don't even want to know what else is in store for me. 

Eyes

Sorry for not posting in awhile, but I have been very busy with all of the school work. So just for you all, I have decided that I would share one of my short stories that I have made! It really isn't a story, it is more of two paragraphs that our English class was recreating. The original piece is called "Hairs" in the book House on Mango Street. Even though we recreated the piece, I am very proud of my recreation... So here it is!

In my family everyone’s eyes are different. Dakota’s eyes are as clear as the sky when all you can see is a never ending piercing blue. His eyes are like the snow in winter, bringing out the youthfulness in people, along with a delicate kind of grace. My eyes are a different kind of color. The pupil is surrounded by a complex system of coloring; each ring is a different color: blue, green, brown, blue, green, brown. They go around and around each other like my own miniature milky way galaxy. Father’s eyes are dark and scary. His eyes are black holes. Weaving in and out of each other, there is a structural system of the fearsome, furious, and fiery anger, instead of being filled with emptiness.

Now my mother's eyes are ones you can look into all day and never get bored. One second her eyes may be the color of roasted chestnuts, roasted chestnuts which steal the spotlight on the cover of a Christmas Catalogue. The next second, her eyes spring to life. The youthful eyes bring another kind of comfort, the kind that when you are sad, lonely, or even in need of a pick me up, they are there to always radiate the humor she has stowed away. Then other times, Mom’s eyes are a dark brown, where they just cry the tears they have been holding when she wants no one to ever see, when the pain and hurt just overwhelm the ducts they live in, and overflow with one simple crack in her dam. And over time: Father’s eyes have seemed to fall deeper and deeper down the dark abyss, Dakota’s eyes have stayed as crystal as ever, my very own eyes grow even more universal and abstract every second, and Mom, her eyes have somehow become to grow even more warm, even more sparkling, and even more sorrowful.

Feminazi

Imagine you are working in a large scale company. You and your co-worker have the same exact job, with the same honors you do, with the same education, with the same graduating GPA from the same college and high school... but you are being paid 20 cents less than him. And you do have a better work ethic than him. How would you feel? Would you complain to your boss about it? Well here's the bad news, you can't... they can pay you however they deem fit. 

This is real. This situation that you were hypothetically in... isn't hypothetical. And it doesn't happen to men, it happens to women. Feminists are not to be feared, but when you start BSing their livelihood, you should check yourself. 

Why do people think that it is okay to compare people who desperately want equal rights for everyone a feminazi? They believe that if you don't take action into your own hands, it will never be enough. They believe that instead of trying to be sure that men aren't offended by your words, that say what you need to say (I know you sang this, I did) and apologize later. 

Why do people think that feminists hate men? We don't! In fact some of us are actually men! A feminist is defined as anyone who believe in equal rights for EVERYONE. To clear this up, you are not a sexist when you define yourself as a feminist. I am a feminist, and lets be real girls... I LOVE men! When I see one passing by that is attractive, I do stare, and I do take a photo, and I do put it on my snapchat story.

Why do people think that feminists are groups of women who burn bras? Yes, we do support women learning to love their body, but we don't get together and burn bras just because we love to do so. Yes, in fact, some of us do not wear bras and shave our legs, but why not? Men don't have to shave their legs, and they expect us to bring sharp razors that cut down the skin, and every single day for most days. Now for the bras? If it is more comfortable, I don't see why not? I mean, for girls with small boobs, you can't even tell. Now for someone like me, who is a large breasted woman, will probably wear a bra. You can't tell that someone's a feminist by what they choose to wear or not wear.

Now to loop back to the feminazi idea. Nazi's was a ultra nationalist, racist organisation that committed the worst genocide in history... and that is compared to wanting equality how? Now don't you feel bad?

Society teaches girls 'don't get raped' instead of teaching the boys 'don't rape'. Why should my shoulders provoke a man? When boys don't wear a shirt, I don't feel the need to go over to him and force him to have sex with me. And I am NOT saying that men do not get raped, it is a true fact they do... but then their situation gets swept under the rug! Why should the looming fact that there is always someone out to get us force the way I dress... why is society not addressing the fact that some people are disgusting animals? Why has society not teach people that rape could make you end up in hell? Why is it instead, society is teaching that girls HAVE to cover up every inch of their body, so that the perverts in school can actually concentrate on school. Why is it when girls accidentally wear some top that isn't 4 inches wide, we have to stop our own education while the boys can 'focus'. Why don't we teach the boys that if you stop thinking like a pervert, and keep your eyes and hands to your own self, things would be slightly better? 

It's either you cover yourself up to stop potential racist and get called a prude, or you wear whatever the hell you want to wear and get called a slut? There is no in between! This causes girls to have serious self-conscious tendencies, and you would rather girls wanting to kill themselves because they are ugly and closed minded about their body than addressing the fact right at it's source?

I am not telling you that you need to go jump off the planet because you aren't a feminist? But why aren't you? You believe that women should be treated like objects, and disrespected because you want security or whatnot? 


Rant over...

Modesty people!

I find it funny that there are two ends of the modesty spectrum... And then there is nothing in-between. 

Earlier this morning I had been in the right place and in the right time apparently. There was this old man who had on a leather vest (nothing else under it), silver pants that were just as silver as his hair, a cane, and a huge beer belly. 

See, this is an example of no modesty. It's either that, or he is doing it because he didn't care anymore.

Earlier on I my years, there was also a middle aged man at a kids swimming pool. Now, I love people who are confident in their body, but this man... It was scarring.

His stomach was a beer belly times 20, and all he had on was a speedo that was 3 sizes too small. 

Do you see the picture?

With all these people who are super confident in their body, I am starting to feel bad because I am the complete opposite of them. I will wear sweaters in the winter because I am that self conscious. 

I will even be doing some heavy lifting in the middle of the hottest day of the year, and still be wearing jeans and a long sleeve t-shirt. 

So basically what I am saying, it is okay to be either too confident or self-conscious. Tell me some of your stories and or summer wear.

Mornings Suck

Who else believes that if school was later on in the day they would tolerate it a whole lot more?

...


I hate mornings.

Southern Problems

Two things about the south you need to know...

1. Most of the population here are SUPER conservative
2. Everyone isn't afraid to tell you their stance

This is the total of the most politically outrageous and proud stances:

• Four trucks (just for today) with at least two confederate flags on each
• Seven bumper stickers saying in some form or fashion that Obama is an idiot, or they voted McCain
• Three people say some type of slander against the government/democrats
• One shirt one a three year old about gun control
• Five people who have had a shirt with the confederate flag
• Two men with confederate flag tattoos
• And finally.... ten people with the username let_the_rebel_pride_fly

So you can see my dilemma... Am I the only person with a problem with their state and/or region?

Lunch Time Woes (I should start a series of these)

Here is another lunch time woe for you all.

To start off, it wasn't much of a woe, but it was kind of a revelation I would like to never come to ever again.

So once more, I was sitting right next to our star quarterback, and of course, being jocks, I expected them to talk about the game Friday night, and the fact that we won by a landslide and with a mercy rule in play.

But I couldn't be any more wrong.

You see... instead of discussing the game, they were discussing the after math. The after party. One guy, who I never even met, was talking about how drunk he was that night and his journey home that consisted of a dirt road and something about an old man finding him stumbling on it. Yeah, I thought it was a funny story to listen to also. 

 I was having fun eavesdropping, until Cason, the said star quarterback, decided to add in his story.

He was complaining how, at the party, he didn't get his [twinkle tube] sucked by any horny girls. Then, he proceeded to explain to the group how, in fact, there were horny girls present, but the girls that only was to BE pleasured...


LIKE THAT'S A BAD THING!!!!!

So this amazing story that he told made me lose two things from him... all of which are attributes to his reputation:

1. Made me lose respect towards him, yeah I didn't really have that much for him, but he did injure himself at the end of last year and now he can't play in his senior year. So I did feel a little bad for him. Not any more though.
2. There was a time when our lives seemed to connect (aka the last post I made) that I found a sort of attraction towards him... now that I know that all he wants is his 'glitter cannon' to be fired.

Like first off, why is that even a problem? Now I don't have any problems on boys who want to be pleasured... but the problem starts when he thinks that he is the ONLY one in the process of this intimate action.

Being completely clear here... I, for one, am a virgin, but it is ridiculous when I hear that men only believe that they are the only ones allowed to be pleasured, or vise versa!

Am I the only one that feels that way? Tell me what you think about this...

Humiliation

So the other day at lunch, a friend of mine (let's call him Jonah) had nowhere to sit, because our table was too filled. Being the amazing humanitarian I am, I decided that we could share a seat because that is the smart thing to do. Well, I thought it was, until everything escalated. 

First, it started off okay. Everything was fine, he was being civil. 

Then, he started to think to himself, "Well, I am a man, so I need more seat space than her," so he began to slowly, but surely, push me off. Eventually, I put one knee on the ground, and my right butt cheek was in the chair.

As if that wasn't enough, he thought it was funny that I was accommodating to his needs. So he then SHOVES (YES, he SHOVES a poor little girl) onto the ground.

OH, I know what you're thinking, "It's not that bad. You could be living in the middle of the desert riding a camel into nowhere," but you are SOOOOOOOOO wrong! 

Right next to us is the table of the jocks. Not just any jocks, but the varsity jocks that think they are too good for anyone else. 

Yeah, you all know where this is going. 

Everyone over there starts laughing, and I was humiliated until I learned where I landed... my head was on our star quarterback's lap! 

Now, he isn't just some jock, he is the jock. The perfect man. The man who every boy wants to be, and every girl wants to date/screw. He is BEAUTIFUL! 

After I realize I fall, my lips decide to work by themselves, but without the help of my vocal cords. So I end up whispering, "I'm Sorry."

He then WINKS at me, and then I realize I made ANOTHER HUGE mistake... the "I'm Sorry" came out as a seductive "I'm Sorry" and he took it completely wrong! 

So the moral of this story, I guess, is to NEVER EVER EVER share your seat with ANYONE you trust. That is a big step in the friend relationship, you have to evaluate them before you offer! 

First Upload

So this will be my first ever post on my new blog! So... HELLO SOCIAL WORLD! 

I don't have a lot of ideas for this blog... It will probably be filled with my short stories, photography, rants, awkward stories, and so on... 

Now, with further ado, here is my life story and passions in one website!